I Declined When My Mother Asked to Move In Upon Her Retirement

The woman in this article experienced something different than the common belief that receiving parental leave is a symbol of affection and commitment. Confused, she decided to vent her frustration and seek advice online.

Her mother was not allowed to move in with her.

I am 32 years old. I bought a two-bedroom house last year which is just right for me. My 60-year-old mother wants to retire and move to my city from our family home.

Instead of moving out herself, she asked if she could move in with me and use my spare bedroom.

Despite my great affection for my mother, I refused her request. I wouldn’t trade my personal space and guest room for anything.

When I refused my mother’s wish to come with me, she was unhappy because I believed that families should stay together. She feels that I am being unfair to her by letting her go, and she wants to be close to me. I advised her to look at a more suitable 55+ and reasonably priced community.

My mother, on the other hand, will not have other housing options. She says I have plenty of room and I should want her to live with me when she retires. When she needs me the most, I seem to leave her.

I feel bad because at 32 I’m not ready for my mom to come with me, especially now that I finally got my place. I feel that my privacy in my own home should not be sacrificed for my mother’s pension, even though my brother thinks I am selfish for not supporting her idea.

Do you think my decision is wrong?

Many individuals expressed their support and provided personal anecdotes.

You and your brother can live with her. He can find his place if he doesn’t want her there.

“Avoid it. Grandma drove my aunt and uncle crazy for 40 years when she moved in and lived with them. She insisted on going on vacation with them, got upset if they opened a jar of spices or parmesan, criticized every food they prepared, and she never allowed them to buy any furniture or decorations she didn’t approve of first. Their connection was destroyed, and even though she’s been gone for about 20 years, they still don’t have happy memories of her.

“Everyone should be able to find their housing without having to dictate to others, provided they can afford to retire at 60.”

“Never give your brother or sister the key to your house. Plus, I wouldn’t leave her overnight if she refused to leave.

Otherwise, she could arrive with luggage and ask to stay until she finds a new place – which will never happen.

You are satisfied with your life situation.

No one else should have to bear the consequences of her decision to sell her mansion. Stay strong or things will only get worse. She and the results of her actions are not your responsibility.

“Mommy will be a real sweetheart once she settles in with you if she’s that interested before she moves in.

Stop her from moving in. You will be her servant and retirement plan. And you will never be able to free her.

She can’t afford to retire without living with you (for free) if I had to guess. It seems that she is counting on the fact that her cohabitation with you will not cost anything. She probably lacks the finances to be able to live somewhere else. They are trying to use you to retire before they have the funds to do so.

I am a 60-year-old woman with grown children.

As an adult, she can arrange her accommodation, but you need your own space.

We hope that this will improve over time despite the continued violence. Perhaps in quiet moments of reflection, her family will understand the true meaning of her decision and the value of respecting personal boundaries.

In conclusion, the described situation emphasizes the complexity of family relationships, personal boundaries, and financial responsibility. Although the decision to refuse a parent’s request to move in may evoke feelings of guilt or selfishness, it is important to prioritize one’s well-being and independence, especially when it comes to maintaining personal space and autonomy within the home.

Online responses offer different points of view, reflecting different experiences and opinions related to similar situations. Some advocate setting boundaries and promoting independence, while others warn of potential problems and conflicts that could arise from coexistence.

Ultimately, each individual must consider their own needs, limitations, and family dynamics to arrive at a decision that is consistent with their values ​​and circumstances. Open communication, empathy, and mutual respect can help navigate these delicate conversations and foster understanding among family members, even amid disagreements and differing opinions.

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