My Daughter Banned Me from Her Graduation Because of Her Father’s Ultimatum

Ever since her father left them for his new family, the mother and her daughter have become quite close. However, a week before graduation, the daughter approached her mother saying that she wanted to invite her father, who is no longer with her.

But there was one requirement before her father could go into office. The unnamed narrator began writing on the “AITA” subreddit on June 1, 2022. Despite her parents having divorced before she was born, the 40-year-old woman had an eighteen-year-old daughter named B who grew up quite close to her. dad.

But when she was eight, their relationship soured when her father got married. He then grew distant and eventually left her for his new family. B was greatly affected by this abandonment, resulting in rebellious behavior. B attended treatment and seemed to be coping well despite her difficulties.

What made the woman angry?

B had not seen her father since she was twelve, and the few times he had spoken to her in a year had been empty declarations of a possible reconciliation. Despite this, B and her mother had a close relationship and often worked things out together. B and her mother were so close that B called her mother her “best friend”. B cut off communication and refused to return after leaving for college. Graduation was coming up and the woman was looking forward to it.

But a week before B’s graduation party, she told her mother that she planned to bring her father and his son to the event. Her father made it clear that if she attended, the woman would not be allowed to attend the event.

The woman expressed her dissatisfaction with B by saying that she felt hurt and cheated and that she was unforgivably betrayed. In response, B stated that she wished her father had been involved in her significant life events, just as her mother had been involved in several of them. Their fight became very heated as a result of this disagreement.

The mother begged her daughter to change her mind the night before graduation because she was desperate. However, B did not back down and firmly said, “I’m sorry, but I’m not changing my mind.” The woman devastated, turned to leave, her heart heavy with grief. She sobbed until her sister came to her rescue and suggested they go to graduation to take her mind off things. The woman took her sister’s advice.

What happened on graduation day?

When the mother woke up the next morning—the day of graduation—her daughter was sobbing. She looked at the time and saw that the ceremony would start in a few minutes. B asked, confused as to why she hadn’t left yet.

B admitted that her father left her once again and no longer responded in a depressed tone. The mother gave her daughter a big hug and encouraged her to make the most of her graduation despite the circumstances.

B asked if her mother was coming now that her father wasn’t because she didn’t want to be alone without their parents. The woman apologized again, said she was sorry and that she had other plans. B yelled at her mother and called her a rotten mother in distress.

A woman made the difficult decision to teach her daughter that decisions have consequences, even if it broke her, and refused to go to the ceremony. Ever since B got back from graduation, she hadn’t said anything, she looked incredibly down and like she’d been crying for a long time.

Now the woman struggled with regret and wondered if she had made the right decision. Although her sister agreed with her choice, she felt guilty about it after hearing another parent at school mention B’s apparent sadness during graduation. Tormented by her feelings, the mother sought advice, wondering if she had made a mistake in trying to teach her daughter a lesson.

Another irritating discussion

The woman provided an update on the situation a day after she posted her first post. She revealed that over the past ten years, her daughter B has regularly chosen her father over her. There were no signs of manipulation when she reported to Therapist B; rather, B clung to a romanticized image of her relationship with her father.

During a conversation with her daughter, the mother expressed her regret at missing graduation and expressed how she felt left out and unappreciated. B expressed her love, apologized, and asked for things to go back to normal.

B claimed it was for the best and that she prefers her father to be there when asked if she regrets not inviting her mother. The woman was so hurt by this that she confronted B about her lack of regard for her emotions. Even though her father might not come, B was steadfast in her determination to always put her father first.

Resentful and angry, the woman knew when to say no and realized that if B continued her behavior, she might not be able to forgive her. The mother expressed her displeasure that she was not being treated with the same importance as her daughter’s father despite the possible consequences.

She reaffirmed her promise to continue to support B but was unsure whether she would be willing to continue this pattern for important life events such as future marriages or graduations. She felt bad for not taking advice from the internet community, most of whom called her “NTA”.

Repercussions

In October 2022, the mother filed her last report. She recalled how she dealt with it and admitted that her asking her daughter if she regretted not inviting her was immature. She explained that even though people referred to her daughter as her “best friend,” she continued to exercise parental authority and enforce the rules.

The wife tried to contact her daughter’s father (F’s father) after the graduation incident and got a letter back. F said their daughter was threatening him and his family and acting aggressively, prompting him to pull away.

Although he claimed he was trying to build a positive relationship with B, he accused her of stalking and threatening his family. After the woman confronted B about these allegations, B accused her mother of causing her father’s relationship to break up. B cut off communication and refused to return after leaving for college.

Despite the discomfort, the woman expressed relief because the experience damaged her self-esteem. She started therapy, felt a little better, and even went on a guilt-free date for the first time in ten years. She was aware of B’s ​​shortcomings in their relationship and the difficult conditions they both had to deal with.

Reader Notes

How does this narrative make you feel? Do you think the mother should have attended her daughter’s graduation ceremony to show forgiveness? After her father cheated on her mother, the teenage girl decided to live with him instead of her mother. You can read about her decision by clicking here.

Reflecting on this complex and emotionally charged narrative, it is clear that the mother faced an incredibly difficult situation with her daughter. The dynamic between mother, daughter, and absent father was filled with pain, betrayal, and conflicting loyalties.

The mother’s decision not to attend her daughter’s graduation ceremony, while undoubtedly distressing, stemmed from a desire to teach her daughter about the responsibility and consequences of her actions. It was a hard lesson but with the intention of guiding my daughter to learn the importance of empathy, consideration, and respect for the feelings of others.

However, as the situation unfolded, it became clear that the daughter’s affection for her father was deep-rooted, despite his flaws and the pain he caused. This revelation brought a deep sense of hurt and rejection to the mother and highlighted the constant struggle she faced as she tried to reconcile her own feelings of love for her daughter with the need to set boundaries and assert her own worth.

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Mother’s journey to self-reflection, seeking therapy, and ultimately relief from the burden of guilt is a testament to her resilience and strength. It’s a reminder that navigating complex family dynamics requires courage, compassion, and a willingness to prioritize one’s own well-being, even in the face of heartbreak and disappointment.

Ultimately, while there are no easy answers or quick fixes to the challenges presented in this story, the mother’s commitment to her own healing and growth serves as a powerful example of the importance of self-care and self-love, even amidst the complexities of family relationships.

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