Navigating the complexities of elder care is an increasingly common challenge for many families, especially when a loved one such as a parent or in-law begins to require more complex support due to conditions such as dementia. The situation hits close to home for Tenny as he and his husband grapple with the decision of whether to move his mother, who is showing signs of cognitive decline, into their household.
Tenny’s dilemma reflects a wider societal problem where the responsibility of care falls on family members, often requiring them to balance their own lives with the high demands of caring for the elderly. The stigma associated with placing a loved one in an assisted living facility only adds to the emotional weight of the decision, making it difficult for families to feel comfortable with whatever choice they make.
It is normal to see our parents, who have nurtured and mentored us throughout our lives, age, and need support. Our roles change as the life cycle unfolds before us; even though we were once dependent children, now it’s our moms and dads who want attention and help.
The idea of placing our parents in assisted living homes still carries a stigma in some communities. Tenny, a loving mother of two and wife, was faced with a choice. Her husband wants their old, reclusive mother-in-law to move in with them. After researching Tenny’s case, we found the following.
Thank you for your letter, Tenny. It is important to note that our recommendations cannot replace medical advice. However, here at Bright Side, we’ve scoured the web for some helpful recommendations that we think might help you and your spouse come to a win-win decision.
When cognitive abilities decline more than a person would expect as a result of normal aging, it is called dementia. There are 55 million people with dementia in the world and 10 million new cases are reported each year.
It can be akin to a full-time job, so think about whether you and your spouse can handle caring for an aging family member. In 2019, the average daily care for dementia patients by family and friends was five hours.
Experts also warn that without the right support, caring caregivers can feel overwhelmed.
Research suggests that a solid caregiver-patient relationship may be more beneficial than medication when it comes to helping loved ones with dementia.
Give your mother-in-law the opportunity to make her own decision. Find out what she wants and likes. Making a choice that will benefit your mother-in-law and both of you will be easier if you are aware of her wishes and preferences. When a person with dementia is forced to move, they don’t adapt as quickly as someone who has a choice in the matter.
It is important to understand that the ideal time for your mother-in-law to move in with you and your wife is when her condition is relatively stable. People with dementia find it increasingly difficult to adapt to an unfamiliar environment.
Assess your and your spouse’s ability to care for the elderly:
Recognize your MIL’s needs: Know your mother-in-law’s current health status. Talk to her GP to get a better understanding of the level of care needed, bearing in mind that it may increase over time.
Make a plan for the future: Think about how well this caregiving duty will fit into your calendars. If you have any questions, it’s a good idea to look into getting outside help.
Make up your mind: Your mother-in-law may be more independent at first, but over time she may need help with daily tasks such as dressing, walking, and showering. Talk to your husband about his readiness for a long-term partnership. If not, look into options like assisted living or home care.
There are times when things can get complicated with our in-laws. This is where a Bright Side reader contacted us asking for advice on her mother-in-law’s claim to pay for her grandchild. Check out what we suggested for her.
.Confronted with the delicate issue of elder care, especially when it comes to a loved one with dementia, Tenny and her husband are faced with a major life decision that affects not only their lives but also the well-being of Tenny’s mother-in-law. The key to managing this complex situation lies in open communication, thorough preparation, and a deep understanding of the needs and wishes of all involved.
For Tenny and her husband, balancing emotional bonds with practical considerations is essential. By engaging in honest discussions about their abilities, expectations, and level of care desired, they can forge a path that respects Tenny’s mother-in-law’s dignity while preserving their own quality of life. Seeking medical advice, considering outside support options, and involving the mother-in-law in the decision-making process will help ensure that any move is more than a necessity—it’s a step toward a more supportive environment for her.
Ultimately, the decision to care for an aging parent at home or in a professional setting should be made with compassion and a clear assessment of what is best for all parties. As Tenny and her husband ponder this decision, they must remember that they are not alone; many resources and communities offer support and guidance. By prioritizing open dialogue, planning, and empathy, they can make decisions that bring peace and health to their family.