Our Granddaughter Labeled Us as Stingy After Receiving Our Wedding Gift

Our granddaughter had a birth certificate, so my husband and I bought her a wedding present. After receiving the wedding gift, she contacted us and said we were cheap. We gave each of our grandchildren a financial gift the day before the wedding and now she is furious and threatening to cut us off because we didn’t give it to her.

I am the proud grandmother of five wonderful grandchildren – two boys and three girls – and I am 70 years old. I love my grandchildren and take good care of them both materially and emotionally. They know that they can count on me to help them in happy and sad times.

Eloise, the youngest grandchild, tied the knot last October. For our grandchildren, my husband – who is also in his 70s – we have a custom. We give them a check for $40,000 the day before the wedding. We also buy a small gift from the wedding registry, usually the cheapest item.

It’s ultimately up to them, although we hope they use it for the house. We also ask that they keep it a secret due to the size of our family. So far, everyone has complied with this request.

This time we sent our youngest granddaughter – the cheapest item on her registry – a deep fryer. We got a furious call from Eloise who called us cheap. When I picked up the phone, she didn’t even say hello; instead, she just got irrationally angry and exclaimed, “Grandma, really? I got your gift the other day. A deep fryer that uses air? The cheapest item you could find on my registry is that.”

I told her that even though the fryer was the cheapest item on their registry, I still thought it would help, which surprised her. Eloise continued grumbling, “Efficient? You know you can do more than that, so come on. Everyone knows you’re rich. I’m really surprised you’d be so cheap with me. It’s embarrassing.”

I told her, “Yes, you’re right,” during this heated exchange. We are old, cheap, and worthless. The only thing you didn’t know was that we wanted to give you a check for $40,000 the day before the wedding.”

I told Eloise this, trying to explain to her what kind of financial gift we usually give to our grandchildren before their wedding, but she was so furious at the moment that she didn’t pay attention to anything I wanted to tell her. After all, we had just bought her a deep fryer, so she didn’t think we’d give her that much money.

She finally stated, “No, it’s obvious. Simply put, you don’t love me enough to express it. You realize the pressure the wedding puts on me. And this? You seem indifferent,” she said. he said and hung up.

My husband and I were shocked by Eloise’s reaction, but we still decided to give her $40,000 because we didn’t think she deserved it. Instead, we gave her a porcelain set in an attempt to calm her down.

Let’s go back to last week. We were honest with her about money, as Eloise learned from her brother. She contacted us again and accused us of discrimination after checking with her cousins. “It turns out that you really gave the money to everyone else when they got married,” she said. Why didn’t I get anything?

“After your reaction to the wedding gift, we felt it was not right to go ahead and gift you money,” we explained why we stayed so quick. Eloise tried to convince us otherwise, pleading, “So you’re punishing me? That’s all? Because the reason for my anger was the deep fryer.”

She didn’t even realize what she did wrong and that made me furious. Eloise, it had nothing to do with the deep fryer. It was contempt the way you spoke to us. We cannot support or predict this,” I explained.

Eloise begged us, almost in tears, “But it’s so unfair! I was scared, Grandma. It’s hard to arrange a wedding and I lost my cool. I didn’t mean any of this.” In my opinion, she just needed to apologize to us rather than makeup reasons to defend her actions.

But we realize this is a challenging moment, but words and actions have consequences, I informed her. We wanted you to see how important love and family are compared to material possessions.” Eloise said desperately, “But you don’t understand! Can’t we put this all behind us? Grandma, I need that money.”

We refused to give up even though she begged, threatened to boycott Christmas, and said we would cut her off. Finally, I said, “We really love you.” I’m not trying to interrupt you. We only ask that you consider it and understand the reasons for our choice.’

Eloise is now skipping Christmas after her threat. Our daughter-in-law, her mother, supports her and calls us irrational. However, we believe that the fryer present should not have caused this reaction given all that we have done for Eloise.

To put it into perspective, her parents paid for half of her wedding and graduate school, and we already paid for her college. She and her husband don’t really need our money either because they are financially secure.

Since he is one of the family members allowed to know about the cash gift, we are also not unhappy with our grandchildren for letting them know. We always send gifts ahead of time because we live far away, so we sent the fryer earlier.

The money we offer is also separate from the wedding gift; hopefully, it will be focused on something meaningful like a house. We now believe that the action we took against Eloise was justified, and we will not change our minds – even in the face of threats from her and her mother.

My husband and I remain committed to our choice despite turbulent circumstances and Eloise’s inability to understand our point of view. In our family, we value love and respect above all else, so we thought he would learn something from this experience.

Her family’s absence this year may dampen the holidays, but we hope for future healing and understanding. Eloise is welcome to come and reconcile whenever she is ready. Our hearts and doors are always open.

Would you like more of this kind? To learn about the grandmother who caused an internet stir by not giving her grandchildren gifts when she visited, click this link.

When a grandmother visits her grandchildren, she does not bring them presents.

An online feud between grandparents and parents has been sparked by a controversial video posted by a grandmother who uses TikTok to give advice on how to be a grandparent. At the beginning of one of her films, she stated that she never brings presents to her grandchildren.

@morethangrand You really aren’t doing your grandkids any favors when you overindulge them. Here are two reasons why you should consider cutting back. #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandma#newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting ♬ original sound – MoreThanGrand

Helping newlywed grandparents adjust to their new role is DeeDee of MoreThanGrand. It offers resources to help grandparents better assist and communicate with their parents as they raise their precious grandchildren. However, she released certain things that many people didn’t like. They thought it was exaggerating and taking things too literally.

Why doesn’t he take presents to his grandchildren?

The grandmother saw her grandchildren only a few times a year because she lived far from their place of residence.

In early childhood, she decided not to bring anything with her on every visit.

@morethangrand I don’t know everything about being a grandparent. How could I, when I’d never been one before? But I want to be a good one. That’s why I started learning, and listening to parents about what they need from grandparents. Especially the parents of my own grandchildren. I started More Than Grand to share what I’ve learned with other new grandparents who want to be the best grandparent they can be. Won’t you join me? #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandma#newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #gentlegrandparentingtips ♬ original sound – MoreThanGrand

Her grandchildren already had so many things, so that was one of the reasons she didn’t want to carry anymore. She tried to encourage parents who wanted their house to be uncluttered.

Another factor was her frugal approach to money. “I’m cheap and I don’t want to spend money on things that just get put away,” she said.

@morethangrand If being a grandparent is important to you, don’t you want to be the best you can be? We’ve got tips & tricks to help you—visit our page for a few if them! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandma#newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting ♬ original sound – MoreThanGrand

But the main reason she refused to send gifts to her grandchildren was because she didn’t want them to associate her with anything positive. She wanted them to look forward to her.

She didn’t want her grandchildren to ask her what was in her bags when they ran to the door. Rather, she wished to be greeted with gentle smiles and pleasant hugs.

The woman clearly stated that she was not always selfish

Mom made it clear that she didn’t always go to her grandchildren empty-handed. Sometimes she would bring a book that she would read to them over video chat and they would read it together in bed.

Some thought it went too far, others praised it for its simplicity.

Sometimes she brought a board game for them to play together. After her visit, she brought the board game home so her grandchildren would have something to play when it was her turn.

She even brought the cookies her grandmother used to give her as a child to remind her of her early years.

However, these were unusual phenomena.

@morethangrand Want hundreds of ways to be there for your grandchild? Get Connection Sparks from our shop—just go to my page! You’ll never run out of ideas for ways to deepen your bond with your grand little ones. #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandma#newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting ♬ Love Of My Life – Metrow Ar

Rather, she would offer her undivided attention and her warm embrace. It was the most satisfying thing for a woman.

Her grandchildren run to hug her and express how much they miss her whenever they see her at the door. An internet discussion was started when she offered her take on loving grandchildren without the need for gifts.

Some thought it went too far, others praised it for its simplicity. According to several users, giving gifts to children is a real love language that they really appreciate.

“My grandmother was exactly as you describe her: … I thought she was modest,” the commenter said. They believed that especially in cases where children had not seen their grandmother for some time, it was acceptable for them to receive small tokens of appreciation. After all, it’s the thought that counts.

Not to mention that individuals didn’t think they had to prioritize one over the other or face an either-or situation. People reassured her that it was acceptable to regularly give small gifts to her grandchildren while being actively involved in their lives.

How do you see the female perspective on giving gifts to children? Do you agree with that? 

@morethangrand Gifts, gifts, gifts! All thise little presents add up—and sometimes it damages the relationship between parents and grandparents. Grandparemt who value that relationship listen to parents’ concerns. Are parents and grandparents on the same page in your family? #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandma#newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting ♬ original sound – MoreThanGrand

In conclusion, the situation with our granddaughter Eloise was a hard lesson in the importance of communication and understanding in family dynamics. Despite our longstanding tradition of giving each grandchild a $40,000 financial gift before the wedding, Eloise’s reaction to our choice of a deep fryer as a wedding gift instead of the expected check caused considerable tension. Her assumption that our gesture was a sign of our lack of love or support, combined with her threats to cut ties with us, highlighted the misunderstanding we wanted to avoid.

While Eloise’s parents may see our actions as harsh or unfair, we firmly believe that our decision to withhold the check was a necessary step in teaching a valuable lesson about gratitude, love, and the true meaning of family support. Our intention was never to punish Eloise but to emphasize that material gifts and financial support are secondary to the bonds of love and respect we cherish in our family.

@morethangrand Bringing your grandchild gifts when you visit may be fun, but not bringing them is an even better way to create a strong connection. #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandma#newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting ♬ original sound – MoreThanGrand

As the holidays approach, our hearts are heavy with the absence of Eloise and the tension that now exists. However, we remain hopeful for reconciliation and understanding in the future. Our doors and hearts are always open and we stand ready to embrace Eloise when she is ready to cross the chasm.

Ultimately, this experience reinforced our belief in the importance of clear communication and the need to align our actions with our values. We continue to cherish our family and look forward to a time when we can all come together in love and understanding and leave behind the misunderstandings of the past.

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