Being clean is a very personal definition that varies greatly from person to person. What one individual would consider neat and orderly, another may perceive as disorderly and disorganized. These differences in cleanliness standards, especially in shared living environments such as houses, apartments, or dormitories, can lead to friction and conflict. A person’s ideals of purity can be influenced by a number of things.
While some people may have grown up in more relaxed or untidy settings, others may have grown up in households where cleanliness was a top priority. Personal habits and preferences can also be important. For example, some people want their living spaces to be minimalistic and uncluttered, while others may feel more comfortable with more objects and decor.
When these preferences collide, what happens? One of these cases is described in today’s story.
After four years of marriage, the OP and her husband have three children: 12M and 10M, who are from other marriages, and 18F, who lives with them full-time. O, who recently enrolled in college, invites friends over to hang out, and each time they do, they leave their mess behind.Before OP could get home, her friends left the entire house dirty, even though OP had recently hired a maid who came over once a week. The OP got furious about the mess and threatened to stop paying for her phone unless her stepson fixed the damage.
But she is adamant that she and her friends didn’t cause the damage and that if the phone goes down, they won’t be able to pay the bill. The OP has video evidence that shows her friends caused the situation.
Since OP has never been good at making friends, her husband tries to get her to continue, but OP doesn’t accept the cost or the mess. They are eager to accept responsibility for their actions and make amends.
OP questions: AITA for my stepdaughter paying me back after she caused damage to my house?
After four years of marriage, the OP and her husband have three children: 12M and 10M, who are from other marriages, and 18F, who lives with them full-time.
It’s been four years since my husband (47M) (43F) and I got married. We had 12 million, 10 million, and “0” (18F) children each from our previous marriages. My husband and I dated for three years before we got married, but we moved in together two years ago.
O lives with us full-time and although our relationship started off a little rough, we managed to make it work. I was in front of O that I’m not her mother, but if something were to happen
O, who recently enrolled in college, has been entertaining guests at their place lately, leaving a mess every time.
I am there for her when she needs or wants to talk about anything. After a few months, we were really close and she confided in me everything she was too ashamed to talk about with her father.
Since she had only started in the spring, O had been trying to make friends at college. O chose to stay home because living on campus is very expensive for college and it’s close to our home. It is not a problem; rather, it’s that O keeps inviting his friends over to hang out, even though they live in a mess.
Before OP could get home, her friends left the entire house dirty, even though OP had recently hired a maid who came over once a week.
He cleans up after himself, so it’s usually not a big deal (I do have OCD, so depending on the circumstances, problems can arise). However, since my husband and I are always too busy and I have been working overtime, I recently hired a housekeeper to help me with the housework once a week. Even though it’s expensive, I believe it’s worth it because I can’t stand it when things are too messy.
OP became enraged about the mess and threatened to stop paying for the phone unless her stepdaughter reimbursed her for the damage.
This time, as soon as the house was cleaned, she invited her friends over. I guess they decided to wander around the house in their shoes, leaving footprints everywhere they went. Among other things, they prepared their own pizza from scratch and left the crumbs on the worktops. Before I could even get home, they had pretty much cleaned out the entire house.
The OP reiterates how expensive the cleaning service is.
I was upset because again the cleaning service is very expensive and I want a higher standard of cleaning. O has never had any luck making friends, so my husband is trying to get me to quit, but I can’t because of the cost. When I sent her the exact amount I paid for the cleaning service via Venmo, she was confused as to why she had to pay for it. She insisted that it wasn’t her, even though I told her that she and her friends destroyed my freshly cleaned house.
In conclusion, OP and her stepdaughter’s story highlights the complexities that can arise in blended families and shared living environments. While disagreements about cleanliness standards may seem trivial to some, they can escalate into significant conflicts, especially when it comes to financial resources.
OP’s frustration with her stepdaughter’s friends leaving a mess in her house, despite a recent investment in a cleaning service, is understandable. The financial burden of maintaining a high standard of cleanliness adds another layer of stress to the situation and amplifies the OP’s concerns.
However, the question of whether the OP’s stepdaughter should be financially responsible for the damages caused by her friends is nuanced. While it is reasonable for OP to expect respect for her home and possessions, assigning blame and demanding repayment can strain family relationships.
Ultimately, finding a solution to this situation may require open communication and compromise by all parties involved. To avoid similar conflicts in the future, clear boundaries and expectations regarding cleanliness and shared responsibility should be established. In addition, fostering empathy and understanding of each other’s perspectives can help bridge the gap between different standards of cleanliness and minimize tension in the home.