Last week I decided to do something unique for Liam, my fiance, and myself. Our first anniversary was coming up, and given how he’d been feeling lately, I figured a nice, low-key evening would cheer him up. Little did I know it would backfire on me.
Liam was hit rather hard when he unexpectedly lost his job. We’ve never been on a tighter budget than we were after he suddenly became more of a spender in our relationship.
For our meal, I chose food that wasn’t particularly gourmet but had charm and nostalgia, and more importantly, fit my budget. It was also one of my childhood favorites.
Although I was aware that Liam preferred better establishments, I hoped that the sentimental significance would make up for it.
I loved that restaurant as a kid; it was a cozy little place with cozy decor. It felt appropriate to tell him about this aspect of my past.
The evening got off to a better start than I had hoped for as we made our way comfortably to our booth. Liam was genuinely impressed with the building’s architecture. Everything felt warm and intimate thanks to the old decor that lined the walls and the soothing lighting.
We shared memories and joked about the highs and lows of the past year, as well as our aspirations for the future. He was ecstatic about the food and dug into it with an eagerness that relieved me. For a while, it seemed as if the burden of debt did not apply.
When the check arrived, the problem began. I felt the amount, which was just under $45, was fair for the two of us. But Liam’s mood changed when I went to get my wallet. He seems…disappointed. I paid the bill and brushed it off as my fantasy.
But Liam’s tone suddenly changed as the waitress went to get some boxes for our leftovers. With a stern tone in his voice, he asked, “So you value our relationship that much after a whole year?”
It surprised me. “What do you think?”
“You only spent forty dollars on our anniversary,” he said, his voice a little higher.
“But you saw the menu, Liam. It wasn’t a fancy place, you know. What’s the problem?” I replied, trying not to sound too serious.
“I didn’t control costs because I believed you could handle it—make it unique, that is. I spent a lot more money on you,” he protested.
A knot started growing in my stomach. It’s not about the money, Liam. It’s about the two of us. Why is quantity so important to you?
His voice grew louder, and he smirked. It shows how much you value me. Do you think I only have $20? Is that all?”
I looked around and saw several other customers looking at us. I wanted to explain, to tell him that his value to me was intangible, that his job loss shouldn’t affect how we interact, but the words stuck in my throat. I refrained from answering, preferring to remain silent so as not to stir things up in public.
I apologized as soon as I had the chance. I tried to diffuse the situation. I kept begging for forgiveness, assuming that I might have misinterpreted his expectations or miscalculated his emotional state in light of his recent release.
But as I was still trying to make sense of it, Liam suddenly stood up. “Janice, you know what? I’m heading home to spend time with my friends playing video games.”
You can buy an Uber house.”
His remarks were like a slap in the face. I was sitting there alone when he left. I immediately packed up what was left. The other guests looked at me in confusion and pity. I was stealing around the restaurant, trying to avoid as many strange looks as possible.
When I got home I tried to apologize to Liam again but he just shrugged me off and locked himself in our bedroom. I spent the entire night dozing on the couch as I mentally relived the event, becoming more confused and saddened with each passing moment.
Liam had already left the house at dawn. As I expected, the breathing room didn’t help clear my mind.
Rather, it gave me an inordinate amount of time to think about everything that had gone wrong. My thoughts at work weren’t about my assignments, but rather how my relationship seemed to be falling apart.
At that moment, I understood that Liam’s reaction was a clear warning sign about the state of our relationship, not just about money. Since he was the one who lost his job, I tried to take him somewhere really nice, but he left me alone. Apart from our looming financial problems. He knows I don’t make that much money so I know I shouldn’t blame him. And drop me off at our place via Uber? It was just too innocent.
I was determined to make a statement, so I chose a gesture that I believed would help him remember the most important thing. I sent him a gift of pictures of our best times together, each serving as a reminder of the honest moments we shared.
A note was included: “This is how I valued our relationship.” I don’t want to get fired one day because my anniversary gift wouldn’t be expensive enough, but since you raised the money, we should just let it go.”
His response was swift and scathing, full of derogatory remarks and accusations.
Every message I received from him strengthened my resolve to end the now obviously unhealthy relationship.
I packed my things and went back to live with my folks. I wanted a safe haven where I could recover and consider my next course of action. Additionally, since I was paying my own living expenses, I felt it was important to let his parents know about his job loss and his apparent lack of interest in finding a new one.
Liam was forced to return to his parent’s home as he had no other means of support. Neither of us, I believe, expected that a single cruel evening and a single ego would destroy our lives.
What I learned from my experience with Liam is that respect for yourself and respect for others is the cornerstone of any relationship. No amount of money or material gifts can make up for it if things are missing.
Although things in life don’t always go as planned, these obstacles serve as reminders of our virtues and our talents. Ultimately, the first step to not only enduring such hardships but growing from them, is realizing your own worth.
How would you behave with Liam?
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Here’s another story about a botched anniversary and a careless partner in the interim.
I let my husband regret his “surprise” on our anniversary, which completely destroyed me.
I was bursting at the seams with excitement and anticipation for the day ahead for my husband Tyler and me on our second anniversary. The previous two years had been an incredible journey filled with romance and excitement, from romantic European adventures to stargazing camping trips. I had something special planned for this year: a weekend getaway to an opulent resort. It was supposed to be an opportunity to celebrate our love, but instead, it revealed a betrayal that would put our marriage to the test.
Everything was planned for me down to the last detail. I booked my getaway, packed our bags, and was ready to surprise Tyler with a quick trip. My excitement grew when he hinted that he had a surprise of his own. But rather than the romantic morning I imagined, Tyler woke me up with words that were as sharp as a frosty blow.
“My dear, happy anniversary. I suppose you wouldn’t mind if I traveled to the resort alone?”
Lily needs some encouragement. He needs a companion because he’s been depressed lately.”
When he revealed his intention to spend our romantic weekend with someone else, I was speechless. Confusion and rage swirled inside me. “You, are you serious? You decide to be with her on our anniversary?” He hit me hard with his answer, calling me callous and uncaring. The disagreement quickly escalated, and when there was no chance of a settlement, Tyler left, leaving behind a loud silence.
My heart was broken. I called my best friend Brooke and told her about the heartbreaking events as tears streamed down my face. Her bold suggestion was that we use the reservation ourselves. As much as it hurt, the thought of losing the reservation was too much.
We set out with the intention of making the most of the weekend.
But when they arrived, things unexpectedly took a different turn. I was told that someone was trying to use my reservation at the check-in counter. My confusion gave way to shock when I saw Tyler and Lily in the foyer trying to seize the opportunity for themselves.
The ensuing argument was fiery and widely witnessed. “Did you want a relaxing weekend with my husband?” Their courage enraged me and I challenged them. “I planned this trip for us, for our anniversary!”
Their poor attempts at explanation were met with silence when hotel security intervened. I desperately pretended not to recognize Tyler. They were dragged away by security personnel promoting peace over domestic disputes.
Through laughter and spa treatments, Brooke and I tried to erase the bitter taste of betrayal over the weekend—a much-needed reminder of the happiness that friendship can provide. I was determined when I came back. I packed up Tyler’s things and threw them in front of our door along with the divorce papers.
Someone who abandoned our vows so quickly had no place in my heart.
Now I tell my story and consider the pain and the strength I took back. How would you answer if you were me? Was the choice I made the right one?
In conclusion, both stories highlight the complexities and challenges that can arise in relationships, especially on significant occasions such as anniversaries. In the first story, Janice’s attempt to create a special evening for her fiancé Liam fails when he reacts negatively to a perceived lack of spending, ultimately leading to the unraveling of their relationship. In the second story, Tyler’s betrayal on their anniversary leads to a dramatic confrontation and the end of their marriage.
Both Janice and the unnamed protagonist of the second story faced moments of deep disappointment and betrayal by their partners. However, their answers differed significantly. Deciding to put self-respect first, Janice ended the relationship, while the other protagonist stood up to her husband and eventually decided to end the marriage as well.
These stories serve as a reminder of the importance of communication, trust, and mutual respect in relationships. They also emphasize the importance of recognizing self-worth and refusing to accept behaviors that undermine it. Although Janice and the other protagonist’s decisions may have been difficult, they ultimately put their own well-being first and take steps to regain their autonomy and happiness.
When navigating situations like this, it’s important to consider what actions align with his values and goals and to remember that it’s okay to prioritize yourself in the face of betrayal or mistreatment. Whether it involves setting boundaries, seeking support from friends and family, or making difficult decisions about the future of a relationship, each individual has the agency to determine their own path forward.