Is It Inappropriate for Me to Contact Mom After My Husband Ignored My Input?

Dealing with family dynamics and marital issues can be incredibly overwhelming, especially in times of vulnerability and need. In the case of the 24-year-old Redditor, identified as the OP, her decision to seek support from her mother in the midst of a tumultuous situation shows the importance of reaching out for help when feeling overwhelmed.

It is understandable that OP, faced with medical complications and a chaotic household, would rather turn to her mother for help than face the problems alone. The involvement of family members in solving conflicts and solving life situations underlines the importance of communal support and intervention in times of crisis.

One woman decided it was time for some intervention after her partner repeatedly ignored her concerns. Tragic family events seep into her marriage and lead to startling revelations.

Recently, the 24-year-old Redditor and her husband moved into their first home. At the time, she was four months along with their first child, who the couple was expecting, and had “terrible morning sickness”.

“It got to a really bad point where I passed out and hit my head and my doctor admitted me to the hospital for a week,” the woman said.

After being released from the hospital, she discovered that her husband had let her brother-in-law and his family use two of the three bedrooms when he returned home. The original poster (OP) stated that she was not aware of the reason for their eviction.

Her workplace was one of the rooms of the house and she found that documents were everywhere. The OP had this to say about her reaction to the dirt she discovered in her house:

“The house was a complete mess. Used diapers, dirty clothes, and trash. I cried.”

She informed her husband that it wasn’t “that bad” and that he should clean the house before he woke up.

Then she slept for four hours and when she woke up she went to get a glass of water.

To her dismay, glasses were scattered all over the house, unclean, and she couldn’t find a clean one. She picked up and washed the dirty dishes because her family and husband forgot to clean the house.

The next day she tried to finish her work but found it hard to concentrate. The brother-in-law’s children were constantly crying and banging on the walls, and their mother spent hours in the room ignoring them.

The OP’s husband confronted her about making his sister-in-law feel uncomfortable in their home as soon as he returned home. He mentioned that the house was still a mess and that she wasn’t even trying to help with the kids.

After the argument, OP told her husband that his relatives had to go and that she was too sick to leave them. She started crying and he didn’t want to throw them out. OP called her mom to see if she could go and stay with her because she was feeling exhausted about the situation.

It was decided that the OP would visit the mother and her three older brothers. The enraged mother told the husband that since he would not let his family leave, they might as well stay with them. Mother immediately ordered OP to bed and took control of the family.

Her brothers, meanwhile, began pitching in to help clean the house, making it a point to call their brother-in-law’s family “disgusting.” They said her husband was “horrible” when he exposed her to it during her illness.

OP claimed she later received a nasty message from her mother-in-law criticizing her for letting her mother-in-law control her brother-in-law and for not helping her son clean the house.

The mother-in-law eventually arrived at the couple’s home, and when she did, the OP could hear her screaming outside, but he couldn’t understand what she was saying.

Still, when she entered the house, she was taken aback by its condition. “My house looked horrible. My BIL misrepresented what she thought. My mother-in-law soon started helping my mother take over.” OP exposed.

MIL jumped right in to support my mom in her bossy role.” OP revealed.

She later gave other Reddit users an update on what happened after the mothers intervened. The OP claims that the brother-in-law and his family moved in with her mother-in-law after a while, who did not know about their expulsion. He has been providing them with financial assistance ever since.

It turns out her sister-in-law was having an affair and convinced her husband that they were married too soon. OP is also surprised that she doesn’t want the burden of being a mother.

She asked for a separation from her husband and they subsequently decided to resolve their domestic affairs. The OP stated, “He looked very sorry.” After a long conversation about their disagreement, OP’s husband revealed that his brother was only supposed to be here for a few nights.

However, because they stayed later than planned, he lost his cool and was “emotionally upset himself”, which is why he attacked her.

Even after they broke up, he begged her to give him another chance.

She currently attends individual and marriage counseling.

When the home health nurse was checking on OP at night and during doctor visits, her husband asked to be present.

The person said she regretted not washing up first and calling her mother when she was too sick and exhausted to deal with her husband and in-laws.

Do you think the OP shouldn’t have faced her domestic problems head-on and called her parents? Do you think her husband made a mistake in inviting the family to stay with them? If you were in her shoes, what would you do?

The ordeal faced by the Redditor identified as the OP highlights the complexities and challenges that can arise within family dynamics, especially in times of need. Her decision to seek support from her mother under overwhelming circumstances is understandable and shows the importance of leaning on loved ones during difficult times. The situation was escalated by her husband’s actions, bringing in family members without adequate regard for the OP’s well-being, thereby escalating an already stressful situation.

OP’s narrative sheds light on the importance of setting boundaries and assertive problem-solving in a relationship. While seeking refuge with her mother may have provided temporary relief, it also prompted necessary conversations and interventions to address underlying issues within her marriage and family dynamics.

Subsequent developments, including the revelation of her sister-in-law’s affair and reluctance to accept motherhood, underscore the complexity of interpersonal relationships and the unforeseen challenges that can arise. Despite the turmoil, OP and her husband’s commitment to counseling reflects a mutual desire to overcome their differences and rebuild their relationship.

In retrospect, OP’s decision to seek support from her mother served as a catalyst for solving long-term problems in her marriage and family. Moving forward, open communication, setting boundaries, and mutual respect will be key to fostering a healthier and more supportive environment for all involved.

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