Man Declines to Adopt Wife’s Niece, Yet Agrees to Adopt Her Nephews

In a revealing post shared on the Reddit subreddit “AITA” (Am I The Asshole), a user described a difficult and emotionally charged family situation that led to a significant rift. A Redditor referred to as the OP found himself in a difficult situation when his wife proposed adopting her sister’s three children due to the sister’s impending incarceration on drug charges. While his wife was determined to adopt all three children, the OP expressed reservations, specifically about adopting his teenage niece, citing her troubled past and behavioral issues.

The niece had been expelled from school in the past for aggressive behavior and substance abuse, and there were also instances of her stealing money from family members. In contrast, the OP felt more optimistic about the potential to correct the behavior of the younger nephews, who had not yet reached puberty and were described as unruly but still malleable. This decision to selectively adopt set the stage for deep family discord and eventually led to OP and his wife sleeping in separate beds as their marital discord escalated.

Faced with a deteriorating relationship and ongoing disputes, the OP decided to leave the matrimonial home. Prioritizing his personal safety and protecting his assets, he consulted with his family and reviewed state laws, culminating in his filing for divorce. Despite the breakdown of their marriage, OP transferred ownership of their home to his ex-wife, motivated by love and concern for her ability to financially support the children on her own.

On November 6, 2023, a Redditor posted the story to the “AITA” subreddit. The Redditor revealed that his wife had expressed a desire to adopt her sister’s three children, but he would only consider adopting her nephews and not her niece.

The OP clarified that his children, a 14-year-old daughter, and two boys, ages 4 and 5, will be left alone while his sister-in-law goes to prison for selling drugs. OP’s wife stepped in and announced that she was adopting the children because no one in her family wanted to care for them.

“I’m asking for two things. I want us to adopt the children if we decide to take them in. I don’t want fifty individuals trying to advise us by looking over our shoulders. I want to be able to raise the children anyway.” we deem appropriate, especially since we will be legally responsible for them. The second need is that I am ready to accept the two boys, but not the girl that the Redditor explained.

“Those two boys have had no rules in their lives and they are a terror, but they are still young and can be taught right from wrong. He clarified that the niece was a troubled teenage girl who had multiple suspensions from school “for things like fighting and smoking illegal substances on school grounds,” the OP reasoned.

She also embezzled money from us and our relatives. Because it was his first time and he’s young, the gang member he’s hanging out with was released from custody after being arrested on a home invasion charge.”

The Redditor clarified in the post that he left the house when the OP and his wife started arguing to the point of sleeping in different beds.

“At first I just wanted to protect my property and myself from any harm.

But I moved out and filed for divorce after talking to my family and discussing our state’s rules with them. I signed the house over to my ex-girlfriend because I still love her and I knew she would struggle financially to raise three children. That way she would always have a roof over her head.”

The OP went on to state that his ex took on the role of temporary guardian of the children and took them in. After the niece brought a boy to the house and skipped school several times, the niece and his ex got into an argument.

One day OP’s ex-husband’s niece grabbed everything of value from the house and ran away. According to the OP, no one knows about her current location.

“Her family thinks I’m the devil and things would go a lot smoother if I stayed and helped her,” the Redditor wrote as a way to wrap up the story.

If we ever meet, her father and her cousins ​​are supposed to take my head off.”

Here are the redditors comments:

byu/Own_Antelope3340 from discussion
byu/Own_Antelope3340 from discussion
byu/Own_Antelope3340 from discussion

In this complex and emotionally charged scenario, the Reddit community was left to ponder the ethical and familial implications of the original poster’s (OP) decision. At its core, the story highlights the deep challenges and responsibilities that come with adopting and integrating family members into one’s own home, especially when they come from troubled backgrounds. The OP’s initial willingness to adopt his wife’s nephew, but not her niece, raised questions about bias, the ability to rehabilitate troubled youth, and the dynamic of blended family responsibilities.

As the situation escalated and resulted in the OP’s separation and eventual divorce, it is clear that the decision not to adopt the niece, combined with her subsequent actions, caused considerable tension in the family and led to wider societal impacts. The disappearance of the niece and the opposition from the family that the OP faced highlight the complex, often painful consequences that can arise from such family crises.

Redditors who responded to the post likely offered a mix of criticism and sympathy, reflecting on how loyalty to family, protecting one’s immediate family, and the challenges of dealing with troubled teens can create disruptive situations. This story serves as a poignant reminder of the delicate balance required when making life-changing decisions that affect young family members, and the long-term effects those decisions can have on everyone involved. Ultimately, it illustrates the need for compassion, thoughtfulness, and sometimes professional guidance in navigating such profound family dilemmas.

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