In the midst of a demanding work schedule and the challenges of being an expectant mother, OP found herself facing harsh criticism from her own family and in-laws. The expectations placed on her as a wife and homemaker clashed with the reality of her hectic life, where long hours at work and long commutes left little time for housework and cooking complex meals.
Despite her efforts to balance work and domestic responsibilities, OP’s husband and family members viewed her as lazy and incompetent because she did not meet traditional gender role expectations. This conflict highlighted deeper issues within their relationship dynamics and societal pressures that often overlook the complexities of modern responsibilities and roles.
Amidst her hectic warehouse job and grueling two-hour commute, her mother and mother-in-law called her a lousy wife for failing to clean the house and cook for her husband.
A 30-year-old woman who was struggling as a wife and mother-to-be turned to Reddit users for help. Her mother and mother-in-law’s comments caused what was once a beautiful relationship to collapse into a horrible nightmare.
The Original Poster (OP), who had been married for a year, had no idea her marriage was falling apart when her mother’s husband began to rely on her for housework, cooking, and general care. As the original poster stated, her husband was raised by his mother, who took care of all household duties until he was an adult.
He had never learned how to handle housework before he met her. As their bond grew, the OP’s husband took more initiative to grow as a man and change his perspective. He treated the OP as an equal and stopped believing in gender stereotypes when they moved in together. He even helped around the house.
But as their little family prepared to grow, his old nature gradually reappeared and worsened over time. Having worked around the clock since she was 25, OP was used to being in need. However, recent developments have brought a different form of conflict.
OP’s pregnant employee was putting in 12-hour shifts at a warehouse that was a two-hour commute from her home.
Her husband, meanwhile, was enjoying the convenience of working from home.
Due to her demanding job, she didn’t always have time to prepare the best meals and keep her house in perfect condition.
Her husband called her incompetent and lazy because she didn’t do any housework. He grumbled that he would only do simple things and she hadn’t made a proper dinner in a while. Worse, her husband called his mother and mother-in-law to complain about OP’s alleged carelessness and laziness as a wife.
“Today, my mom complained to my husband about my laziness, that I only prepare simple, quick meals and I haven’t made a proper dinner in a week,” she noted.
“I’m gone 14 hours a day overworking myself while he doesn’t do anything to help around the house, and the few times he does help, he smears it on my face.”
Her mother-in-law once called her at work and accused her of being a neglectful wife and of being the cause of her son’s alleged weight loss. If she knew OP was a bad wife, she would never have allowed her son to marry OP.
The child’s furious mother claimed her son can take care of himself, including preparing meals and cleaning up after himself.
A similar condemnation of her own mother came minutes later. “I told her I’m not my husband’s nanny,” the OP stated.
“I’m his wife and if she and MIL want to babysit him, be my guest.
When OP turned to her co-worker for comfort during her worst moments, she was met with harsh criticism. Her co-worker accused the OP of violating her marital obligations and pandering to internet ideals that undermine the value of conventional marriage.
The co-worker further stated that becoming a wife meant taking on all the responsibilities of a wife, which included cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the family, including the husband. By not doing so, she offended her mother and mother-in-law.
However, OP secretly understood that her struggle was not motivated by disobedience or carelessness, but rather by her desire to be treated equally and to be valued for more than just her domestic prowess.
Finally, she turned to her twin sister across the continent for comfort; she quickly became defensive when told of her predicament. OP’s sister quickly took her side and defended her by calling their mother. But their mother just saw things wrong.
When the OP’s mother called, she accused her of trying to destroy their relationship by not accepting her role as a wife and said she made a mistake. “She said if I keep messing up, she won’t support me and I’ll be alone, so I better watch my step,” OP claimed.
In conclusion, OP’s experience highlights the challenges many individuals face in balancing work, family, and social expectations. The pressure to conform to traditional gender roles and meet unrealistic standards of perfection in marriage can lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships, as seen in OP’s interactions with her husband, mother-in-law, and even her own mother.
Despite facing criticism and judgment from those around her, OP’s resilience shines through as she seeks understanding and support from her twin sister. This shows the importance of having a support system that values individual autonomy and mutual respect in relationships.
Ultimately, the OP’s story is a reminder that marriage is a partnership built on mutual understanding, support, and appreciation for each other’s contributions, whether they align with traditional roles or not. It is a path of growth and adaptation where both partners should strive to create a nurturing and fair environment for themselves.